I was so caught up in thought that I decided to write this. I hope it resonates with someone. After all, I’ve learned that the safest way to prevent disappointment is knowing what you want.
I’m pretty in love with love. I love to love people and to make them feel special. I love to tell people why they are so great. I love making someone terribly sad feel even the slightest glint of happiness. I love the positivity that comes out of the emotion. I love that the negativity stems from a zealous passion. Most of all, I love that love is something you have to prove—not merely state.
I want to find my person. The special person I love differently than everyone else.
I want a relationship. Not just any relationship. I want him to always make me feel beautiful, reassured and worthy. I want to constantly miss him when he’s not around. All the time. I want there to be an electrical attraction between us—clearly visible to anyone around. I want to be so smitten that any other person I meet will never compare. I never want to consider meeting anyone else. I want to be willingly trapped in a fiery love.
I want him to conquer my fears.
I want to forget I ever even had fears. He should never take advantage of me. I need him to make me want to commit. I need him to make me feel that relationships work. I want our love to prevail. I need him to be the reason it does. I know I give up on people too easily.
I want him to complete me.
I want him to love everything about me. He doesn’t have to like everything, thats impossible. I know I have annoying tendencies. I just need his annoyances to be minimal. He has to love being bothered by me. These annoyances can never be too evident so as to create animosity. They should never create hurt. They should never be presented in a way that makes me feel inadequate or insecure. I want him to be gentle. I want him to love even what he hates about me—with a doting manner and a tender sigh of disapproval.
I want him to disregard his pride.
I want him to apologize. Even if he doesn’t believe he did anything wrong. I want him to consider my feelings. He must accept that he can’t win every argument. I want him to want to lose, because he loves me. I want him to value me more than his personal satisfaction. Sometimes a simple apology is all I need. It is reassurance of reciprocated feelings.
I want him to pay attention.
I want him to be genuine. I want him to stare into my eyes. I want him to be observant. I want him to find cute quirks about me and point out these things. Things I may not even notice about myself. Things I probably hate about myself. I need him to put me at ease. I need him to dote on me and listen to what I say. I need him to understand what I don’t say. I need him to always make me feel like my feelings are legitimate. That they are logical. And if they are illogical, I want him to understand why I may be feeling that way. There is always an underlying reason.
I need honesty.
I want him to express how he is feeling. I want him to swallow petty responses. I want it to be a productive honesty. I want him to tell me he loves me when he feels it. I need him to be tender when he is angry. I need him to be fondly upset with me. I need him to be fully faithful. I never want to question his loyalty.
I want big gestures.
I need to distinguish him from my friends. He needs to treat me like I am special. I want him to smother me when I’m utterly disillusioned and thoroughly miserable. I need him to give me space when I’m putting thoughts together. I need him to know the difference. I need him to put my feelings ahead of himself. I need him to be selfless. I need him to force me to let go. I need to feel comfortable enough to disregard my insecurities. I want to be so comfortable that I become oblivious to ever even feeling them. I understand I repeatedly build walls. I want him to be strong enough to tear the walls down every day.
He needs to be stronger than me.
I want him to force me to let him take care of me. If you give me the choice, I will always choose independence. I want a relationship that is passionate. I want him to calm me down and to rile me up. I want to scream at each other when we’re mad. I want to cry. A lot. I want to always be invested in us. I never want to be apathetic. I never want to feel indifferent. I want him to kiss me after every argument.
I want him to love me more than he loves himself.
I want him to love me when I’m most vulnerable—when I don’t even love myself. Especially when I don’t love myself. I want him to love me more than anyone else in the world. That is the type of person I am. I love people whole-heartedly. More than I love myself. I would do all of this and more. But I need reciprocation.
I want to believe in love, instead of fear it.
I want a love so evident that it’s almost corny. I want to forget that perfection is impossible. I want my hypothetical-future-relationship to feel outrageously perfect. Maybe not perfect in actuality, but perfect for me.
I want him to change my mindset from the first-person, I, into the less-lonely point-of-view: we.
I want him to prove he loves me.
I listened to this as I wrote this. It’s a FANTASTIC song.