Life Lessons in Trust

Trust is a difficult concept.

I never realized how fragile my own trust was until I came to Spain and experienced upfront deception. It was thoroughly transparent, inexcusable and it taught me a very important lesson about myself.

I am a strong believer in equality.

While some people may criticize my ideality, I don’t think that it is outrageous for me to expect the same treatment from others as I present to them. Equal treatment. I try my best to treat everyone with kindness, respect and love. I make it a point to make people feel comfortable around me and I have a knack for making shy people open up. Some of my closest friends were once the most difficult people to carry a conversation with. I also take pride in my sincerity.

I am a good friend.

Trust can be defined as having a sense of reliance, hope for the future and compassion towards another person, object, organization (etc). Trust is the most difficult feeling to develop between people, but the easiest to destroy. For some reason, I have always been the person people go to when they need someone to listen to their personal problems.  I always thought this was a bit ironic growing up, since I had such a big mouth. As I’ve matured, I understand the importance of secrecy. I ensure that people’s confidence in me is not wrongly given. I value when people trust me and I do everything in my power to ensure that their faith in me remains steadfast. This is done with nothing other than sincerity. I think sincerity is easy. It’s easy to be honest. Lying is messy and only leads to repetitive negativity and chaos. I love being honest. Sometimes I am too honest. Although I would rather be known for extreme honesty as opposed to insincerity.

Sincere people are rare, difficult to find and overtly underrated.

I had a recent encounter with a [previously] close friend of mine who betrayed my trust. I was immensely disappointed. I hadn’t dealt with a situation like this since middle school—where the girls are awkward and the drama is amplified because everyone is merely trying to be accepted. So they mask their insecurity with a false confidence that translates to unnecessary malice. Middle school girls suck. Anyhow, after my encounter with utter betrayal, I had several realizations.

I used to be a pushover, but I’m over it.

I am too forgiving, and I always try and make excuses for people. But I am done. I don’t care if you had a bad day… Or if it is merely your personality to be rude to everyone around you… Or if your parents were terrible to you… Or you had a bad familial situation… OR ANYTHING ELSE. There is no excuse why people cannot treat other people with kindness. We are all humans. We all have feelings. We all are capable of cordiality. I’ve gone through so many hardships in my own life, but I don’t use this as a lame excuse to treat everyone around me badly. In fact, it is the main reason I try to be overly kind to everyone around me. I know what it feels like to be sad, lonely and miserable. I don’t want anyone feeling that way.

There is a difference between immaturity and character traits.

One’s true character is revealed when they believe they are alone, when they are frustrated or when they are confronted with challenges. While some people may just be rough around the edges, there are others who are simply just mean. Or rude. It may be difficult to tell the difference. But this time around, I know in my gut that I am right to keep my distance.

I am not perfect, but at least I always have good intentions.

I can forgive nearly all faults or bad traits that other people may possess, as long as the person is good hearted and means well. People may be annoying, too talkative, have bad breath… Honestly anything. But if the person is mean or simply does not wish happiness upon another, I am unable to accept that. I believe that if someone has good intentions, everything else doesn’t matter. With good intentions, there is potential for improvement and maturity. I am fully aware that I can be annoying, difficult and ridiculous—but I always try and treat others the way I would like to be treated.

I treat others with kindness and respect, because I appreciate when others reciprocate the gesture.

And this is how I build trust.

I try to be rational and realistic. This is a constant struggle. I am emotional. My feelings guide me. But I’ve gotten so much better at realizing when I need to take feelings out of the equation. Compartmentalizing is also a daily work-in-progress. I am not perfect, but I am trying to be the best me I can be. I don’t think I’ve changed much through this process, I have merely improved myself. I think this is why people tend to be comfortable around me. At least I hope people are comfortable around me.

Be you. But be the best version of yourself you can manage.

And be nice. Just be nice. I don’t want to come across as preachy, but I think kindness is underrated. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had a bad day—this is never an excuse to treat another person badly. Be conscious of what you are saying. Cause it takes a single moment of you saying the wrong thing to shatter someone’s trust and ruin a great relationship.

In reference to my previous close friend—I am incapable of seeing him the same way anymore. I am not angry with him though. I wish I was. Anger is easily alleviated. I am hurt. So thoroughly hurt. I am fine with cordiality. And I don’t engage in drama. But I will forever keep my guard up with him from now on. I don’t think it’s difficult to be sincere with people. Simply be honest. Because being honest with people is the basis of forming good relationships.

Make sincerity habitual. You will feel better about yourself, and you will naturally be rewarded with great friends.

To all of you reading this, I miss you guys. And I appreciate my trustful friends a million times more than I did before.

Like my favorite imaginary husband said: “I find it hard to forgive the follies and vices of others, or their offenses against me. My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.” –Mr. Darcy

Trust is a difficult concept, but it’s easy in practice and application.

Xoxo,

Aisha

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